someone threw a dead crab at me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
handjob tips. give me some.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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