wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
