So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
