a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
