Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I love having hate sex.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
