This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
