Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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