Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
