smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
