So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
