His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
