her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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