idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
