Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
