So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
