super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
