What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
vagina is talking i cant
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
