What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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