You smell like stripper and shame
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
