At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
