that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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