I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
