Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
dude. I can hear the air.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
