Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
