I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
In America we eat man semen.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
