I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
