ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need to sanitize my soul.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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