this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
