Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
