Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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