whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
