my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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