Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.

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(904): View more from Florida

So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

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(856): View more from New Jersey

you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness

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(831): View more from California

I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?

(540): View more from Virginia

One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...

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(518): View more from New York

My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray

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(304): View more from West Virginia

How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.

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(914): View more from New York

He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Can you come over?

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

Sex??

(615): View more from Tennessee

Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.

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