i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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