If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
