Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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