he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
