I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
