why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
