We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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