Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
