Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
