you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
