YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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