you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
