i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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