My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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