Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
