Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
