please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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