I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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