I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
