sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
