I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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