Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
