I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
