The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
