So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
