He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
