It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
