covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he fucked my hip out of place.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
