You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize