honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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