So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
