someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
