New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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