Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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